3

when problem strikes you unexpectedly, youll realize that a you are neglecting a lot of things in your life. my mum would always say 'look at the brighter side of things'... well, yeah, but then it is sooo difficult to hide tears in your eyes especially when you know that youve got nothing but yourself...

sometimes i want to escape from reality. i remember those days when i was still a kid, my only problem was Mum would not allow me to play outside of the house because she's too scared that a car might hit me, i wish it could all be the same now...

but, cliche as it may seem, im still looking at the brighter side of life, im thankful for all the blessings i receive each day. im lucky to have 3 of the most beautiful things in life:

1) two shots of espresso each day before going to my office battle

2)my facebook and blogspot accounts, where i can always say whatever i want, whenever i want!

3) my ever-loving friends. enough said.

Thank God for all of these... it gives me the assurance that i am not alone =)

red

went to the grocery with my two good friends Mimi and Aj....

funny, when we saw this:

a short and a long version of my name... MIKE hehehe

Goodtimes! LOL!

b-boy

cutest boy with his purple shoes... heheheh

B-B O Y!!!

HIHIHIH!!!!

wish I have a brother like him.... Good for you AJ, he's yours!!!

tom's

got my first one a few months back... now i want more....

this is now included in my wishlist this christmas...

Could someone give me this?? phuleeeeaaaassseeeee.....

him

a few weeks back, while walking at the mall with my friends, i saw an old friend. i never thought that this would happen again, well maybe i prayed that it would not happen again, just because i dont want to feel the sadness i had when he left.... i know deep inside of me that if i see him again, ill cry.

surprisingly.... i didnt.

i simply smile and said to myself.... im over him

i know now...that chapter of my life has officially ended.

empty

i owe a lot to my blog...

havent got time to open it and tell a story of my whereabouts...

i soooo miss blogging...

ill do this again soon..

baguio (revisited)

a little escape from the urban jungle...

thank god for Baguio heheheheh.

leaving

lost...
destination unknown.

my emo shit and stuff...



i cried the whole night for no reason why..
well, maybe there is, but my mind cant figure it out.
kinda pathetic, i know, but who's to blame?


Myself....


its never easy for me to let go,
a lot of times when i find tears in my eyes for
things that is beyond my control.

last night, when i got home, everything that i see made me real sad. i find the whole space sooo empty. no shirts and other dirty clothes lying everywhere, no crumpled bedsheets and pillowcases, the fan and AC is on steady mode,just on me, coz no one's there to share it with, eating my late night dinner wasnt so appetizing as it used to coz no one's there to say "kain na", i cant smell any musky cologne and deo that used to make me sick, but now, my nose is longing for it.

i was left broken..

iam broken...

broken, not because he left
but because ill see him again, and i know
the next time i do, it'll never be the same...
coz this time around, each moment with him will no longer feel endless, because i know after that, reality will bite me....

he was never mine..

he will never be mine...

i want to scream from the top of my lungs.
i want him to know the feeling that is bursting inside.

but i cant...

because my heart and mind says...

"no you cant!"

im hurting..

im bleeding...

how many times i wish that i never met him,
because the thought of it is prolonging my agony.
im going insane...

really insane.

everytime i close my eyes, my mind keeps on playing a picture of him, smiling...

but when i open it, i know that his smiles are not for me.


the pain is excruciating.

take it away...Now.

for i wont last another day without him by my side.

escape

escape from the hassle of work

went to the south...

where everything's laid back..


V called while i was hanging out with my friends J and M in our fave coffee shop, somewhere in the south..

V: Asan ka?

Me: nasa B____,with J and M, dumaan lang bago pumasok, why?!

V: hindi ako pasok, anu number ni C, lulubusin ko na tutal considered one instance lang naman e..

Me: sige text ko sayo number ni C, and hindi na din ako pasok, katamad din eh!

V: eh di punta na lang ako dyan!

Me: Sure bah! text ko si C, si K din hindi papasok eh, lets go somewhere!

V: sige wait nyo ko dyan.

Me: ok..


TEXT BRIGADE to Friends...

everyone replied...

Somebody asked... "so where are we going?!!

Me: Videoke?!!

M and J: let's go...


well... it was a fun night..

i enjoyed it

my friends enjoyed it

especially V who's new to the south, he loves the places, the ambience, and of course (straight from his mouth) the people!

Where's the next stop?!!

COCO's

See you guys this weekend!!!

gifts

what i love about the holidays
are the gifts...
i have some "pahabol" from friends and loved ones
thanks guys!

a ferrari cologne from mum... too musky though

a doodle notebook from my officemate Mai

a cute shirt from 'P'

=)

10.2

tears...
laughters...
and more...

here are the top people who made my 2009 memorable....

JACOB BLACK... not that we're close hahahaha... but c'mon! Jacob is LUST! right!?

MY PEEPS FROM VXI INC... our time together was too short, but indeed memorable thank you guys!

JULIUS CHARLES REYES.. hahaha you're fun!!... enough said.

MARK ANTHONY REYES... lemme'welcome you Mackoy... (to where?!.. maybe you're wondering huh?!.. im'na let you know when i see you... hehe)

MARIE CHARMAINE OCTAVIANO... my soul sistah! i salute you for being sooo strong despite all your life's trouble.

KRISTINE MARIE CANDELARIA... my ever kikay and sweetest friend... holla sistah! love yah!
SHERMANE TERRAZOLA... the sister i never had. thanks teh!

RAYMOND ANTHONY RODRIGUEZ... my logically-advanced friend!... you shocked me this year hehehe... thanks Mon.

JAN MICHAEL VINCENT TUMANG.. my new found friend, welcome to the south and thanks for loving my friends!

and lastly...MUM.. as always i love you and sorry about all the headaches ive given you, there's more to come, dont worry! hhahaha


HAPPY NEW YEAR everyone =)

weekends

booze
coffee...
and boys??
hehehe


my friends and i are all looking forward to weekends.. 'cant blame us, coz from the type of work we do,alcohol intake each week is a must... cant wait 'till next time...

trip

good laughs
great friends


last night me and some friends pigged-out with some choco-orange muffin from bona .
tawanan lang because of the seahorse na pinadesign pa namen from one of the crew..
hehehe..its been a few months din before we got this chance to hang-out again.. love it.. ulitin natin 'to ha!

auto-in

people call it call center...
i call it LIFE.




today marks my 4th year in the call center industry,thank you to the following people who made my stay really meaningful:

to RALF AUGERBAUER, the first person ive ever talked to using my headset connected to my avaya phone, hehehe, thank you sir for being so patient even if it took me 20mins to finish your reservation, i wont forget you.

to my previous trainers and recent ones, ANNE and JOHNFER from Teletech, GAMMY from Etelecare, MIKE from JPMorganChaseBank, and now MAU and JE-AN of VXIPhil INC..thank you i have learned a lot from you guys.

to all the bosses ive worked and still working with, ARVIN LOMBOS, coolest boss ive met, ANDREW SUMANG, the lenient one, MIKE BUERA, for being so patient and now PHYLBERT STONE and JAY DACER, im beginning to enjoy your company and hoping for many years of stressful but fun work with you guys. thank you all.

and to all the people ive met and eventually became my good friends, WAVE 23 of Best Western, WAVE 107 of Sprint, Wave 2/39 of Home Lending, and WAVE 8 of DirecTV, kudos to you guys for all the hardwork.

THANK YOU.

almost

desperate?!
uhmmm...
yep..i guess.

there are many times in life that you'll get desperate. im sure everyone of us feels that.

life's many aspects could sometimes lead to a lot of complications and mishaps. i have always been desperate. growing up as an only child, i was desperate to have siblings, which is impossible because my mom and dad got separated before i was brought to the earth.

during my teenage years, i was really desperate to have a place of my own and do anything that i want, but now that i have it, i want to go back and live with mom.

there was a time before when i was trying to get out of an abusive relationship, stop all my vices including drugs, but i cant because i felt like im going to die without that guy and his chemical supply.

recently i got my heart broken because of some stupid asshole, im still trying to get over it when i met someone that makes that organ beat again... but bullshit... he's taken!! wahahahahaha!!!

desperation seeps in when youre almost there, many times i wish that life has no twist and turn, but then again i realized that without it there'll be no happiness, no contentment, no challenges, no ME.

i guess we all just gotta have to live with it. as the song goes... its just a ride, sometimes youre up, sometimes youre down, but dont forget enjoy the ride.

im kinda enjoying mine... how about yours??

raining

nothing..
just reminiscing.



lately its been raining..i do not know what's with it but i love it so much..

i remember, during college, when me and my friends bryan and rowell would text each other for a drinking session because its raining. we would bring our jackets with us, go anywhere we could afford, and drink till we cant take it anymore.

i love reminiscing when it rains, it makes me want to go back to those days when life isnt that complicated, id be happy with just the simplest thing life could offer.

rain represents all the tears that my eyes cried, i realized that a billion of them ran through my cheeks when i was not at my best.

even now, rain never seemed to fail and give me a satisfaction that one could have.. god, i love it, do not ever let it stop.. let it bring me days of shallow happiness and endless cries.

now im heading to my window just looking at the rain...

thank you god for the rain

zilch

0% tears
98% smiles
2% pain

if were on facebook right now, this would be my status. im almost but not quite close to being happy again, but see the improvement?!

that 2% of pain would be totally out of my system in a few days to come, i know...
but how i was able to regain that 98% of happiness?

EASY!!!...

well, on a second thought... not really...

WHO HELPED ME MOVE-ON?

Friends...








they can be brutally honest and supeeeer straight to the point (w/c can be rude at times) in giving advises, but i know within me that what they're saying is the real thing. i listened to them, kept those things in mind, i cried on their shoulders whenever i need to, and hang-out with them a lot.

WHAT DIDI I DO TO FORGET HIM?

i gather his stuff that he left in my place...






like his pictures,lighter,shoes,shirts that he wear when his at home, and some other knick-knacks.. i put them in a bag and kept them somewhere i cant see..
and that's it..




i know im over him... and that's for sure..

stupidity

iam writing this post immediately after my short trip to the hospital...
what was i thinking??!

i dont know...

i accidentally cut my finger with a swiss knife..
cant explain what happened... just look at the pictures...









it hurts.... sobra!!!!

i was suppose to upload the gory pictures, but that's too much for me to remember my stupidity.

AMPF!!!!!

abyss

move on but do not move away...






iam now crossing the bridge of moving on and letting go...while on this bridge, i realized that there still lots of things that i need to go through. i thought that once i stepped into this path,everything will be smooth and easy for me...i was wrong.

during this stage, there are obstacles that i need to surpass,fears that i need to conquer. there are million things in my mind right now that hinders my way to see the light on the otherside...one of them is the memories that linger and makes me want to go back and stay to the place where ive been...

where i came from is really not that of a chaotic place,but there are dark areas where ive been blinded so many times. but everytime i look back to it,there was once paradise too...a place where part of me still dwells.

crossing the bridge for the second time is not easy,i remember the first time i was here,it was six years ago...it brought a lot of tears that pained my eyes, while i was wishing for my death. there are torns scattered everywhere, some got stuck in my heart and soul even after i reached the otherside.

now on my second attempt towards the bridge,i suddenly felt his hands holding mine,iam afraid to let that go,coz i know that even if there's no tears in my eyes,the excruciating pain is deep within me.

i stopped for a while,thinking...
should i stay?...or should i go?
coz behind me is that abyss and i do not want to be there...again.

then i realized i was almost on the otherside,i can see the light,though its dim...but i saw it...i knew i saw it.

a few more steps...few more steps...

and ill be there.

feed your mind

ive been reading some books and other stuff, and its so fun to have a good cry with those books while lying in bed with 4 cups of coffee or more in your table,as well as learning some things you can apply in your everyday life, here as some of my favorite reads:



object of your love

this book is a collection of short stories about different love affairs, written by dorothy speak, what i love about this book is that it made me stay awake till i finish it, im not a big fan of short stories but this one is a winner.. i cried over some of the stories, i especially like the one entitled memorabilia, a story about being unfaithful...hmmm.

little beauties by kim addonizio

when i first saw this book i had no interest in opening it, it was a book i borrowed from a friend, but one night while i was bored i came across it, opened it, and had a good time with it... one of the things ive learned about it was, and i qoute "denial is the key to happiness, if you think too much about the terrible things happening in the world, you will just want to kill yourself. better to ignore the front page of the newspaperand flip straight to the arts section, go to movies, to the ball game, buy an entertainment system...fall in love"..AHHHHH!!!

we were the mulvaneys

by joyce carol oates, a book that wow-ed me.. it tells the story about compelling ties of love for the family... the book was kinda vague at the first few chapters but it was one of the best ever written i would say.

the devil wears prada by lauren weisberger


when i saw this movie a few years back, i didnt quite enjoyed it, then few weeks ago while hanging out at a friend's place i saw this book from her cabinet so i borrowed it... syempszz, relate naman agad ako, kasi i had this boss from hell din eh, mala-Miranda din ang dating nung hayop na yun... well, im so glad wala na sy sa paningin ko...belat!!!

in the meantime by iyanla vanzant

i luuuuurrvveeee this book..sobra.. kasi naman im in my "meantime" too..iynla vanzant is like the best person to have all the right words about what are you feeling here is one of the best thing that she said about the "meantime": "love is the experience of joy,peace,fulfillment,purposefulness,harmony,abundance,and service. These are often the very things we try to find in a relationship, and the things we consider impossible to find in our relationship with ourselves. we must de-program ourselves from the old love recipes, in the meantime, while we are de-programming, relationship can be trying. it can be very challenging to realize where you are and where you want to be and all the work you must do in order to get there.. hmm... something to think about huh!!

reader's digest

ive read from this mag that in every 200 people we see everyday, 2 of them are ghosts... creepy... hehehe!!

missive

my dearest you,

i remember the time when i first met you, you were wearing that pink shirt, you look good, a look of innocence that paints a picture of a guy that i want to fall in love with. We said "hello" casually at each other. The moment we talked i said to myself that i want you to be mine and love you for the rest of my life.

after that first meeting, you became my constant text-marathon partner. we talked of most anything day, noon, and night. time passed by so quickly i didnt notice that you became the closest friend i ever had. we shared moments of good laughter and bitter tears. i remember one time when you texted me and said " can i come to your place?" i didnt know that you are hiding a big problem, you began to confide o me, you cried like a kid, i cried with you, it was a long good cry that we fell asleep and forget it for a while.

there are lots of time that we shared funny moments together, like this one time when you helped me look for place that i could rent, i slipped into the mud and we both laugh our ass out, though it was embarrassing that other people saw me that time but i do not give a damn because im with you, i feel safe with you, you know. whenever you are by my side i feel like there's no one could harm me and you would shelter me from the coming danger.

you became my best-est friend, i ran to you many times when im afraid and need comfort. just a simple "that's okay" and a reassuring hug makes everything alright again. you are everything i dreamed of, you gave back to me everything that i have lost. you are like the bicycle i never had, but now im riding along in the highway of life.

i have loved you more than anything in this world, im wiling to give up everything for you, i respected your decisions, and listened carefully to your suggestions. your youth makes me feel like a kid again, your carelessness makes me wanna do anything i want without a care in the world.

i thought everything was fine and dandy between us, but as they say, nothing in this world is perfect, everything could fall apart. we fought, we argued, we hurt each other many times. but i never hated you, i cannot hate you, and i wil never ever hate you.

from the moment you were wearing that pink shirt, until that moment that we met to say our goodbyes, now you're wearing a gray shirt. A color that i hate because its sad and boring... all those moments will forever be glued to my mind, my heart, and soul.

that moment of gray shirt and two bottles of beer on the table, i looked into your eyes, it says "im tired, im giving up, i cant do this anymore, you have to let me go now". deep inside im saying i love you and will always love you til my dying day. i know you cant hold on anymore, even if i try my very best to keep you from slipping away.

now im letting you go, you're on your own now, while im here stuck in a moment, just like a kid learning to ride his bicycle but no one's there to guide him along the way. but i thank you, because i have learned so much from you, i will always carry that sweet smile in my heart, i love you, even if it hurts, i want to say i love you...

to you... who will forever be my bestfriend forever, my dear love, my favorite mistake, and my Botchog... goodbye... it is so hard, but i have yo say it now.... coz if saying it will make you forever happy, then i will be glad to repeat it over and over again.

thank you and again always and forever i love you....


until then,

brown butiki