pages

story??...

mine is this...

"he's dead"... that's all i knew about  Dad... i was practically raised by my Lola because Mum had to work to support me and all other expenses we need. i didnt grow up in a well-off family, good thing Mum has siblings in Canada who helped us financially...

when i was 5 years old, i started wondering why my cousins and other playmates has Dads who goes home every night with pasalubong but in our house its a different story. I didnt ask Mum or Lola or anyone about him, because i was too afraid ill get the same answer i was told when i was 4, that was trauma to me, hearing someone's death who's supposed to be a part of your existence was the last thing a four-year old kid would like to hear... i kept my silence.

all these years, ive been silent. my lips are sealed, my hands are tied. it was like living in prison, with rules to follow but only without a cell... but i want freedom... a real one.

highschool came, the freedom that ive wanted since forever was now on sight. ive gained friends who understood my likeness to be free.. ive experimented, i did what i knew was wrong but that during that time seemed right... eventually the consequences of those things took its toll on me... i was expelled from school, put on home study...Mum was furious.. i thought 'well maybe you deserve it Mum!'

during my days of fury, i knew that i still wanted to do more...i want to know if Dad's really dead coz i knew Dad was just out there, still alive and looking for me... i knew... i really knew... i dreamt of him crying while shouting at the top of his lungs... sometimes he would whisper in my ears, those words that i wanted to hear...'Im here son'...'Im just here'.

at 18, i was astounded by an unexpected news... Dad is still alive... living in Antipolo with his kids and wife... i wanted to shout, i wanted to say 'BOO you Mum, you lied to me, you deserve every tear that ran through your eyes coz you're a liar'... but i cant... i was mute-silent, didnt know what to do, all i knew was i want to see Dad, i want to talk to him, hug and kiss him.

the long wait was finally over, i met Dad... i saw my half-brothers and sisters, i saw his wife...he told me his side of the story, i believed him, i didnt judge... i listened... i cried, but all i could remember was when Dad looked at me and said 'no need for you to cry.. crying is for Losers like me, i didnt have the strength to take all my resposibility to you because im a coward, but one thing's for sure Mike, i love you, youre my son and nothing's gonna change that'....

that was the happiest moment of my life... but everything must come to an end... Dad passed away without me seeing and talking to him before he left.. but i guess that was okay... he just went back home to a place where wont have to suffer, no sadness, no fears, no sickness... only true and pure happiness.

when Dad was still alive, he would call me and asked  about a lot of things... those that he missed while im growing up... he asked how i was as a student, how was Mum, how was my life, particularly my love-life.. i told him everything... i told him that ive experienced how it was to be on an abusive relationship, i was physically and emotionally abused, i was living in hell... i also told him about the time when i fell in love again, i even introduced him to the guy... he was happy for me... he didnt say anything, he didnt argue, he's just ecstatic... he said 'whatever you want as long as youre happy, that's cool with me'

there were also times before when i would call Dad about things that i cant tell anyone... he's the best adviser... he was honest and straight to the point, no beating around the bush....

after Dad left this world, all i could remember was his reminder 'dont be afraid son, there will be times when you would have to take a punch in the face for you to gain knowledge, for you to learn, continue to seek wisdom, continue to take risks, always give love a chance, meet friends, gain enemies, be rude, be wise...tell your story and be happy'....

thank you Dad, wherever you are, i know that you are looking upon me.. ill see you, maybe not soon hahaha, but ill be seeing you...






... what's yours?