abyss

move on but do not move away...






iam now crossing the bridge of moving on and letting go...while on this bridge, i realized that there still lots of things that i need to go through. i thought that once i stepped into this path,everything will be smooth and easy for me...i was wrong.

during this stage, there are obstacles that i need to surpass,fears that i need to conquer. there are million things in my mind right now that hinders my way to see the light on the otherside...one of them is the memories that linger and makes me want to go back and stay to the place where ive been...

where i came from is really not that of a chaotic place,but there are dark areas where ive been blinded so many times. but everytime i look back to it,there was once paradise too...a place where part of me still dwells.

crossing the bridge for the second time is not easy,i remember the first time i was here,it was six years ago...it brought a lot of tears that pained my eyes, while i was wishing for my death. there are torns scattered everywhere, some got stuck in my heart and soul even after i reached the otherside.

now on my second attempt towards the bridge,i suddenly felt his hands holding mine,iam afraid to let that go,coz i know that even if there's no tears in my eyes,the excruciating pain is deep within me.

i stopped for a while,thinking...
should i stay?...or should i go?
coz behind me is that abyss and i do not want to be there...again.

then i realized i was almost on the otherside,i can see the light,though its dim...but i saw it...i knew i saw it.

a few more steps...few more steps...

and ill be there.

feed your mind

ive been reading some books and other stuff, and its so fun to have a good cry with those books while lying in bed with 4 cups of coffee or more in your table,as well as learning some things you can apply in your everyday life, here as some of my favorite reads:



object of your love

this book is a collection of short stories about different love affairs, written by dorothy speak, what i love about this book is that it made me stay awake till i finish it, im not a big fan of short stories but this one is a winner.. i cried over some of the stories, i especially like the one entitled memorabilia, a story about being unfaithful...hmmm.

little beauties by kim addonizio

when i first saw this book i had no interest in opening it, it was a book i borrowed from a friend, but one night while i was bored i came across it, opened it, and had a good time with it... one of the things ive learned about it was, and i qoute "denial is the key to happiness, if you think too much about the terrible things happening in the world, you will just want to kill yourself. better to ignore the front page of the newspaperand flip straight to the arts section, go to movies, to the ball game, buy an entertainment system...fall in love"..AHHHHH!!!

we were the mulvaneys

by joyce carol oates, a book that wow-ed me.. it tells the story about compelling ties of love for the family... the book was kinda vague at the first few chapters but it was one of the best ever written i would say.

the devil wears prada by lauren weisberger


when i saw this movie a few years back, i didnt quite enjoyed it, then few weeks ago while hanging out at a friend's place i saw this book from her cabinet so i borrowed it... syempszz, relate naman agad ako, kasi i had this boss from hell din eh, mala-Miranda din ang dating nung hayop na yun... well, im so glad wala na sy sa paningin ko...belat!!!

in the meantime by iyanla vanzant

i luuuuurrvveeee this book..sobra.. kasi naman im in my "meantime" too..iynla vanzant is like the best person to have all the right words about what are you feeling here is one of the best thing that she said about the "meantime": "love is the experience of joy,peace,fulfillment,purposefulness,harmony,abundance,and service. These are often the very things we try to find in a relationship, and the things we consider impossible to find in our relationship with ourselves. we must de-program ourselves from the old love recipes, in the meantime, while we are de-programming, relationship can be trying. it can be very challenging to realize where you are and where you want to be and all the work you must do in order to get there.. hmm... something to think about huh!!

reader's digest

ive read from this mag that in every 200 people we see everyday, 2 of them are ghosts... creepy... hehehe!!

missive

my dearest you,

i remember the time when i first met you, you were wearing that pink shirt, you look good, a look of innocence that paints a picture of a guy that i want to fall in love with. We said "hello" casually at each other. The moment we talked i said to myself that i want you to be mine and love you for the rest of my life.

after that first meeting, you became my constant text-marathon partner. we talked of most anything day, noon, and night. time passed by so quickly i didnt notice that you became the closest friend i ever had. we shared moments of good laughter and bitter tears. i remember one time when you texted me and said " can i come to your place?" i didnt know that you are hiding a big problem, you began to confide o me, you cried like a kid, i cried with you, it was a long good cry that we fell asleep and forget it for a while.

there are lots of time that we shared funny moments together, like this one time when you helped me look for place that i could rent, i slipped into the mud and we both laugh our ass out, though it was embarrassing that other people saw me that time but i do not give a damn because im with you, i feel safe with you, you know. whenever you are by my side i feel like there's no one could harm me and you would shelter me from the coming danger.

you became my best-est friend, i ran to you many times when im afraid and need comfort. just a simple "that's okay" and a reassuring hug makes everything alright again. you are everything i dreamed of, you gave back to me everything that i have lost. you are like the bicycle i never had, but now im riding along in the highway of life.

i have loved you more than anything in this world, im wiling to give up everything for you, i respected your decisions, and listened carefully to your suggestions. your youth makes me feel like a kid again, your carelessness makes me wanna do anything i want without a care in the world.

i thought everything was fine and dandy between us, but as they say, nothing in this world is perfect, everything could fall apart. we fought, we argued, we hurt each other many times. but i never hated you, i cannot hate you, and i wil never ever hate you.

from the moment you were wearing that pink shirt, until that moment that we met to say our goodbyes, now you're wearing a gray shirt. A color that i hate because its sad and boring... all those moments will forever be glued to my mind, my heart, and soul.

that moment of gray shirt and two bottles of beer on the table, i looked into your eyes, it says "im tired, im giving up, i cant do this anymore, you have to let me go now". deep inside im saying i love you and will always love you til my dying day. i know you cant hold on anymore, even if i try my very best to keep you from slipping away.

now im letting you go, you're on your own now, while im here stuck in a moment, just like a kid learning to ride his bicycle but no one's there to guide him along the way. but i thank you, because i have learned so much from you, i will always carry that sweet smile in my heart, i love you, even if it hurts, i want to say i love you...

to you... who will forever be my bestfriend forever, my dear love, my favorite mistake, and my Botchog... goodbye... it is so hard, but i have yo say it now.... coz if saying it will make you forever happy, then i will be glad to repeat it over and over again.

thank you and again always and forever i love you....


until then,

brown butiki