ilovehim

i can feel my heart beats faster

whenever i hear his name

i look for him everywhere,

and when i cant, i blame myself…

ive been keeping my fancy for him,

though i know i need a lot of help,

my feeelings are getting out of control,

cant concentrate, thinking of him at all…

from this emotion, i want to be free,

but i cant get out of this fantasy,

he means so much to me,

i always pray for his safety…

as time flies, and seconds go by,

i really asked myself WHY???

is he really the guy?

cant get him out of my mind, i feel weak

when i see him sigh…

i love him… i love him…

though our chances are dim,

i love him till the end,

and when the end is over,

i’ll love him again…..

31

yesterday i celebrated my 31st birthday, but it is the saddest birthday i had.. i dont know why.. maybe im just thinking of a lot of things for the past couple of weeks.. im not sure if i should feel happy and thankful that i have reached this age, because most of the time i feel like a loser, for i havent achieved anything that i can be proud. well.. it sucks to be me... i guess!

goodbyes

i hate saying goodbyes.. as i would always say, it is because i know that a new chapter in my life will begin, and of course it includes adjustments, which is probably the worst thing for me on earth...but goodbye is something we cannot prevent from happening, there are sad goodbyes, but there are also happy ones, but still it is goodbye, meaning somebody, or something is going to leave you or you are going to leave them.. like what i've been through the past couple of weeks.. i said goodbye to the following people and things in my life:

i said goodbye to my friends at chase:
for some unfortunate reason i had to leave the company and those friends that
are dear to me..

i said goodbye to some of my old stuff in my closet
i had to give them up, i realized that i have a lot of stuff i havent used for quite some time and ive outgrown them.

i said goodbye to HIM, whom i loved and still love with all of my heart for the rest of my life
i realized that if someone or something makes you feel unhappy, then let it go, and thats what i did... ill move on.

and finally.. and the saddest goodbye of them all...

i said goodbye to a beloved friend
he has to go...i know.. he's coming back home to our father and creator.. to my
beloved friend rafael antonio san miguel (1979-2009).. "raffy" to us your friends, you will always be remembered, i can definitely say that i envy you right now, because youre in a place where there's no sadness, no fears, and no pain.. i love you my friend, i will always keep you in my heart.. give my kisses to my ate and lolo... thank you for your friendship.